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“In the beginning, God” (Gen. 1:1, ESV).

It was a rainy Monday morning. I stood in front of my seventh-grade class ready to teach Bible. My head cloudy, my heart in pieces from trials in my personal life, I struggled to hold back the tears.

“Good morning, class! Let’s pray! There will be no singing today for Bible class,” I said as quickly as I could. “We will go right into our lesson. It will be a review because you all know the creation story!” I allowed a student to pray because I knew the darkness I felt would cause me to cry.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand” (Isa. 41:10, NIV).

When I was 5-years-old, I took a trip with my family to Taste of Chicago— the world’s largest food festival. There were innumerable amounts of food to try: Mexican, Indian, Italian, you name it. While there, something interesting caught my dad’s attention, and he crossed the street to check it out. Seconds later, my 5-year-old brain decided it was a good idea to follow him. I ventured across the street to find my dad. I got in the line where I thought he was, tapped his back and said, “Dad?”

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight” (Prov. 3:5–6, NIV).

When my daughter was 3-years-old, she offered to help me “mow the lawn.” In other words, it was a hint to ride on my shoulders. As I mowed, I was in deep turmoil about the seemingly insurmountable challenges and obstacles that life had sent my way. I was so buried in my angst that it took me nearly an hour to actually hear and truly listen to the words my daughter had been singing over and over in her little angelic voice.

“Trust and obey, for there’s no other way. To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.”

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them” (Eph. 2:10, NKJV).

It seems I was born to suffer. The physical and emotional abuse at the hands of my father began when I was 4-years-old. I was always sick, to the point that the doctors diagnosed that I could be either mute or deaf for the rest of my life. I was bullied during my school years and always struggled to “fit in.” I got into a toxic relationship that destroyed my heart, my identity and self-esteem. I felt sick, lonely, rejected and purposeless.

Tired of fighting hard for belonging, love and health, it crossed my mind to take my own life. I was missing something; rather Someone.